The Crucial Role of Self-Care During Grief: Keep it Simple

By Cassandra Goar MA, LPC, NCC August 13, 2024

After the death of a loved one, you can hardly think or breathe, let alone find the energy or drive for things you used to enjoy. Grieving the loss of a loved one is an incredibly personal and challenging experience. It’s also an enormous stressor on our nervous system. During grief, self-care will likely look completely different than it did before the loss, and understanding this shift is vital for maintaining overall well-being. This blog explores why it’s important to keep it simple when it comes to self-care and some simple suggestions on how to do this.

Understanding Self-Care in the Context of Grief

The Impact of Grief on Daily Life

Grief affects every aspect of our lives, including our physical health, emotional state, and daily routines. During the grieving process, basic self-care tasks can become overwhelming. The emotional toll can disrupt sleep patterns, reduce appetite, and diminish the motivation to engage in daily activities. As a result, it becomes essential to return to the basics of self-care to support your overall health and well-being.

How Grief Alters Self-Care Needs

Before the loss of a loved one, self-care might involve routine activities such as regular exercise, balanced meals, and socializing. However, during grief, these activities may become more challenging and may lose all their appeal. Prioritizing self-care during this period means acknowledging that your usual practices may need to be adjusted. Emphasizing simplicity and fundamental needs—such as eating regularly, staying hydrated, and engaging in light physical activity—can help stabilize your physical and emotional state.

Basic Self-Care Practices for Grieving

Nutrition and Hydration

Maintaining proper nutrition and hydration is a cornerstone of self-care, especially when grieving. The emotional strain of grief can affect your appetite, making it difficult to eat regularly. However, ensuring that you consume balanced meals and drink plenty of water can help stabilize your energy levels and support overall health. Even small, frequent meals can make a difference. If you are having a difficult time making meals, now is the time to take people up on their “let me know if you need anything” offers. Let them know that your having a hard time getting yourself to eat and ask them to bring you a dish you can pop in the microwave or oven. Gift cards for food delivery services can also be very helpful for the grieving person. Try to keep a water bottle nearby and take small sips throughout the day to stay hydrated.

Physical Movement

Gentle physical activity, such as a daily walk or some stretching, can be incredibly beneficial during grief. Movement not only helps counteract the physical effects of grief but also provides a mental and emotional boost. It can improve mood, reduce stress, and help regulate sleep patterns, which are often disrupted during grieving (see my blog on sleep tips during grief - coming soon). Especially during acute grief, the first few months after a loss, aim for walking down to the corner of the block, or a brief walk around the block. Again, consider allowing another person to join you – even if you want to just walk in silence. If you find yourself sitting on the couch all day, see if you can just move to the floor to engage in some stretching and gentle movement. Keep it simple! The important part is just to move a little.

Outdoor Time and Fresh Air

Spending time outside can provide significant emotional relief. Fresh air and natural light can improve mood and provide a much-needed break from the confines of indoor spaces. Even short periods of outdoor exposure can be beneficial, helping to reconnect with the world around you and support mental clarity. This can be as simple as walking out to get the mail, or standing in the grass with your bare feet on the ground. You can sit in the sunshine (or the snow or rain if properly dressed) and just breathe for a few minutes outside.

Seeking Support During Grief

The Value of Grief Counseling

Grief counseling offers a specialized form of support designed to help individuals navigate the complexities of loss. Speaking with a grief counselor can provide a safe space to explore and express your emotions. It also offers an opportunity to discuss your loved one, which can be a meaningful way to honor their memory and work through your grief. Grief counseling can help you develop coping strategies and provide valuable insights into managing the grieving process. When it’s difficult to think, (See my blog on Grief Brain) grief counseling can be a great resource for realistic suggestions on how to practice some gentle self-care. Primarily, at least in my work with grief, I focus on helping you feel your feelings without shame, judgement, or expectations that they should be different somehow.

Support from Friends and Family

In addition to professional counseling, seeking support from friends and family can be incredibly helpful. Sharing your experiences and feelings with those who care about you can provide emotional comfort and practical assistance. It’s important to reach out to people who are understanding and willing to listen, as their support can be a crucial part of your self-care routine. It’s also ok to create some space from those who do not allow you to mourn openly. Sometimes the most caring and loving friends or family have a difficult time holding space for our grief, so it’s ok to spend more time with those who are capable of holding space and listening.

Joining Grief Support Groups

Grief support groups, either in-person or online, offer a community of individuals who are experiencing similar emotions and challenges. Connecting with others who are grieving can reduce feelings of isolation and provide shared understanding. Support groups can also offer practical advice and coping strategies, enriching your self-care efforts. Online support groups can also be helpful. Find what feels like a good fit for you. Remember, grief is something everyone on this earth will experience at some point if they are lucky enough to love someone and live long enough to lose them. Support from others can be immensely helpful and you may find yourself offering this support in return some day.

Conclusion

Self-care during grief is essential but often requires a shift in approach from pre-loss routines. By focusing on simple yet vital needs such as nutrition, hydration, physical activity, and outdoor time, you can support your well-being during this difficult period. Additionally, seeking support through grief counseling and connecting with friends, family, or support groups can provide valuable assistance and comfort. Remember, taking care of yourself is not only important for your own health but also a way to honor the memory of your loved one.

If you are currently or have previously experienced a loss and would like support, please feel free to reach out to me, Cassandra Goar MA, LPC, NCC at Re-Emerge Counseling LLC for online grief counseling. I offer virtual grief counseling in the state of Colorado and would be honored to hear about your loved one and to support you through your journey.

Cassandra Goar is a Licensed Professional Counselor licensed in Colorado, USA. She has a passion for working with trauma, grief, and loss.